That Feral Housewife

It’s springtime, bitches and you know what that means. 

Spring cleaning, duh! 

Yeah, the spring cleaning doesn’t actually end around here, but there is a project that I’m sure most of you feral queens are neglecting, cause I know I did….until it hit 60 degrees for the first time in forever and I had to pop out of my burrow for a minute. 

It’s time to deep clean that car! 

You heard me – yes the car. 

It’s been all winter, there’s road salt, dust and mud scum on the outside. There’s trash, old french fries, coffee cups and who knows what else on the inside. Plus, when did you dust that thing last? 2002? Let’s be so for real, that thing you rely on every week to get places needs some TLC, and sanitation for all of our sanities. 

Supply List: (yes, you know I made you all a PDF for this shit.) 

• Disposable Gloves (1-2 sets) 
• Trash Bags (1-3 depending on size and how big your vehicle is.) 
• Cleaning Wipes
• Reusable Tote Bag 
• Glass Cleaner / Cloth
• Air Freshner / Vent Clips
• $20.00 (or less, may vary by state.) 

You’re going to need an hour, but you’re going to need to hustle. It’s going to be straightforward and streamlined. Take your care to a car wash near you – make sure it’s one with free vacuums and trash cans. 

Start with the easy part –  put on a killer playlist in your headphones and strap on some gloves. Open all the windows to air that sucker out. Go to the trunk and move forward. Get all the trash first, and dispose of that. If you find items that you need to keep, put those in your reusable tote bag. I found spare hats, gloves, and even a hairbrush in mine, so it was great to recover those items. 

Once all trash is gone, discard your gloves, replace with a fresh pair, vacuum the trunk, and put your reusable tote with your recovered items in the back. Close the trunk and leave it alone. Go to the back / middle section of your vehicle with the cleaning wipes. Do a basic wipedown of the doors, handles, lock switches, seatbelts and cubbies / cavities. Vacuum the floor and seats next.  Close the windows of this section, and wipe down the inside of the windows only with your glass cleaner. 

Move to the front. Change your gloves if necessary. We’re moving quickly, don’t spend too long on one area. Your carpets will not magically become spotless at this point, we’re not a detailing company. Again, do a basic wipedown of the doors, handles, lock switches, seatbelts and cubbies / cavities. Hit the steering wheel, cupholders, your heater / defrost switches, the sun visors and the vents. Change wipes often, don’t be shy. We’d rather sanitation over conservation in this area. 

Vacuum the floor and seats, and shake out the floor mats. If your car wash offers a free mat service, take advantage of it while you complete other sections. Do the inside of the windows and windshield last and remove old air fresheners. Remove your gloves, and put in new air fresheners. Roll up all the windows (triple check this part!) and discard any remaining trash or old supplies. Once completed, take the car through the actual car wash for your last step. Most places charge less than $20, but you can select the wash that is most comfortable for you and your budget. 

There you have it! While this clean is basic, it’s a HUGE difference in a short period of time. It’s not about perfection, it’s about improvement. It’s one step to a more peaceful mind and home, and believe me, we could all use a little more of that in our lives. 

Until next time! 

TFH

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